El Wey Part III

Invictus: W. E. Henley

2010-01-10T05:21:00.000-08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of fate
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years finds
And shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

If your fluency in English sucks, you and I will not get along.

2009-11-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know why, but I realised that people whose primary language is Chinese never get along with me as well as people who speak English. Perhaps it's because I have difficulty communicating in Chinese (and I don't like to speak Chinglishy Chinese). But, I don't believe that's the ultimate reason.

Chinese speaking people tend to have a very strong ideological difference as compared to the English speaking crowd. A Chinese speaking Chinese vis-a-vis a English speaking Chinese tend to have very strong differences in thought, on interpersonal relations, on practically everything.

One of the biggest beef I have with Chinese speaking people is that they like to play the seniority card. Maybe that's why Communism never worked out here. There's no egalitarianism - if you are 40 and I am 20, even if I am more capable than you, I still have to listen to you. Regardless of ability, a person more senior than you has to be obeyed, or so the Chinese-speaking crowd thinks.

What else? I noticed that Chinese-speaking people tend to take more pleasure from schadenfreude. And I don't understand why. It's ungracious and downright evil. Yet, some people just are like this. Between my friends, it's not like this. Between my acquaintances (remember the preamble of me not being able to get along with Chinese-speaking people), it does happen. At work, with the lower classes, it happens.

It therefore is very obvious that language colours a person's world. Perhaps it's because a person more comfortable with English would watch more English television, read Western texts, and more likely it's because people who speak English are more highly educated. The Chinese do not traditionally speak English. It was the British who shoved it up our asses, through education. Likewise, the Chinese does their own thing, and watch TV serials that emphasise very Chinese values.

The Thrill of Passing Someone

2009-11-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

Driving in car, you might think overtaking is a totally normal thing. It has no implications - the person in front is slower and you want to go faster, so you overtake. Single white line, no oncoming traffic, change lane, step on the gas, get back in lane.

Not so on a bike. On a bike it's an ego disaster if you get passed and fail to pass the person again. The drill is the same, get to the right of the rider, step on the pedals, upshift, step, step, step, pass him. The problem with doing this on the bike is that your anaerobic and high-intensity fuels can run out very fast, and when that does, you realise that the person you overtook is suddenly on your side, overtaking you. But I tell you: it's damn thrilling for that little second you are overtaking. It's like shooting an arrow straight at the ego saying, "I got better cardio/muscle power/aerodynamics/weight" than you!"

Of course, the thrill varies according to what equipment you use. The greatest satisfaction comes when you are totally disadvantaged - fat tyres while your opponent (notice: "opponent") rides with skinny tyres, or perhaps he has an electric motor and you do not.

The problem, as aforementioned, is always keeping the lead indefinitely. Not likely. Once your opponent decides that you aren't gonna keep it, you gotta work even harder to keep it. He hasn't used up his high-intensity fuels, he does not need to travel the extra distance you rode to overtake him, and he might still be fresher than you, with greater peak power at that point of time. The biggest problem, however, likely comes from the thought that once you do not see him, the race is over. It isn't. He's behind, spinning up those legs, while you are in front, likely slowing down the legs - it's the pain, and your motivation to step on it is now behind you... but not for long.

So why do men train? To keep that ego inflated. Armstrong, Contador, Mercx, you, me, that guy on the Giant who passed me after I passed him while staring in my direction, we all train to different degrees, to keep things fast - more accurately, faster.

The Fate of the Tandem

2009-11-10T02:16:00.001-08:00

I love my tandem. It's always great to ride with someone on the tandem. It's a joy to know that no matter the disparity between the two rider's physical abilities, both are only inches away from each other, unlike if you gave two people separate bikes, whereby the fitter one would get fed up waiting, and the weaker one would be panting and sweating. Both will inevitably hate the ride.

It's a great bike too - reasonably priced, decently geared (albeit it leans towards the lower end), and very comfortable. The upright position is comfy. The gears can climb any hill despite the weight of the high tensile steel bike. And it didn't cost me $700.

Unfortunately, a tandem is only good when it has two on it. Otherwise, a single person bike makes more sense. This tandem is space-guzzling. It's around 2.2 metres long, or in other words, two-thirds of a small car. I haven't found anyone but my cousin to ride on it, but she's busy. No man would ever want to ride behind another man. It's an ego thing.

What is to be determined - probably next month, is what will I do with this bike. It's been relegated to disuse for quite a while now, and if its fortunes do not change come December, it's going on the market.

Non-Alignment, again.

2009-10-27T06:42:00.001-07:00

Hello.

If you are a reader of my previous blog, you would know how I love the phrase "Non-Alignment". It seems that since 2007, I have been pursuing a policy of non-alignment when it comes to dealing with other people. Post-2007, I haven't met too many people I am too interested in. Especially workmates or schoolmates or jailmates. In fact, after leaving my cradle and getting shoved into society, I realised how diverse the world is, and how many assholes exist only to piss you off. What's more, they are aligned with more assholes. As they say, birds of the same feathers flock together. They do.

Non-alignment comes with a price. It's isolationism with a whiff of independence. It's keeping yourself off the radar from others, and others off your radar. They don't disturb you, neither do you disturb them. They leave without you, you leave without them. On one hand, it's freedom. On the other, it's being a social disconnect. As always, everything has its pros and cons.

Initially, I would have thought that being aligned is great, since it's always better to have friends. You know, a friend in need is a friend indeed. I take that as when I need a favour, I can ask. Looking at the people I mix with, I think I'd rather be self-sufficient. Some people will smile in front of you, talk to you, eat with you, sit with you, but the world post 2007 is way to different. If that makes a friend, then suicide guarantees you an entry to heaven.

It's unfortunate I have never found a good datum to judge who's your friend and who's not. It's a gut feeling. Or else, you just have to wait until catastrophe happens. Then, as I learnt from my classmate Jie Ying, you can see who's your real friend, and who's not. Given the latter scenario, it's better to trust your gut feeling than to rely on the unknown until proven. Perhaps then, I have misinterpreted the aforementioned phrase "a friend in need is a friend indeed". It's perhaps just merely reflecting the most empirical basis of a friend - a friend that's there for you is a proven friend. The rest are friends too, just not proven ones.

Don'tcha love to go fast, fast, fasssssssst

2009-10-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

I do. I love to go fast. I love to hit the elusive 40km/h. It's just not easy to hit 40km/h with 0.2-and-a-little-bit-more horsepower. Today I went interval training, which I haven't done for a superrrrrrrr long time. One week plus.

Shiok. Too bad my calves give me shit everytime near the end of the ride. It just blows up, hurting like shit. Maybe it's because I'm always too lazy to stretch, too eager to get on the bike. WHEE.

New workplace commute trial

2009-10-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

Today I went for a trial commute on my Dahon. Total distance was 46.67km, the second half was torturous. I could only ride in fourth gear instead of fifth. Here are the times...

Home - Tanah Merah : 40min
Tanah Merah - Workplace : 35min
Workplace - East Coast Park - Home : 1h 20min

So I have to get to work at 8am. That means I gotta set off at 6.30am latest, or if going there directly, 6.45am if going directly to work.

The home commute was rather interesting. East Coast Park... which means no vehicles to share the road with, no red lights, and it's pretty scenic too. Hah!

Fire Burning

2009-10-15T04:47:00.001-07:00

I feel it burning, but it's not within my reach
I desire it, but it's not within my reach
I want but I cannot want
While I continue wanting

By the Avenue Nanyang, I Sat Down and Wept.

2009-09-29T03:39:00.000-07:00

Some people get sick of university studies. I just can't wait to get there. For me, it means more than I'm going to university. It means I'm getting out of jail. So when I passed by Nanyang Avenue, with a big sign that added fuel to the fire saying "NTU/NIE" in a truck, I couldn't do anything but weep silently.

My Female Cousin Has More Balls Than Some Men

2009-09-28T07:23:00.000-07:00

Is riding a bicycle on the road dangerous? Very. You can get run down by a car, by a truck, by a bus who refuses to give way to you as it exits the bus bay, by a taxi making a left turn, cutting you off when you plan to go straight. You can suddenly lose your brakes and slam straight onto oncoming traffic. Your frame can suddenly just go bust and and you get road rashed all over.

There's one thing I can guarantee: this nay-saying nonsense that people say generally come from people who have never ridden a bike on anywhere but bike paths and outside their houses. They never tried. They theorise when they can prove (and more likely, disprove). It's all in their head.

I have ridden on the road for around a 10 months and so far I am still alive. I haven't lost a bone, I haven't lost a tooth, I haven't become a vegetable. I am still me.

Sure, if you are a complete beginner, it can be daunting at first to try to share the road with larger vehicles which make a terrifying noise when they pass you by, and impatient drivers who don't really think much of you, but with time, experience will tame these fears. You become one with traffic. You become traffic, you can pretty much tell what is going to happen, who is going to do what.

Isn't living a risk? We go out everyday, and everyday might be the day we are sent an offer we cannot refuse to go to heaven. If you believe it is written, then it is. There's no point in trying to mitigate it. Enjoy life, live it as risky as you can stomach, and then leave. Die while you are alive, not when you die.

Do you not wonder?

2009-09-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

"I will never bother you
I will never promise too
I will never follow you
I will never bother you

Never say a word again
I will crawl away for good

I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
PAIN"

You Know You're Right - Nirvana

This is a sweet song. Sometimes in life you can really expect relationships to go along this route. Basically, if it starts awkardly, it's likely to just go to hell.

"No thought was put into this; I always knew it would come to this".

Unfortunate, isn't it. If things do not start on the right foot, things just go wrong, and then it's pain. Pain doesn't feel good. It feels terrible. I ought to find peace with myself, and not seek happiness from others. It's not easy and it's so unlikely.

Bloopery Language

2009-09-26T06:07:00.001-07:00

Heh.

Today I went to the bank to change my posb card as it was not working well with the AXS machines. Somehow, the many months of mind degradation got to me.

A lady serviced me. She asked how she could help me, and I said,

"My POSB card is..."

I couldn't find an alternative word. So I blurted out,

"... Screwed..."

Then I said to myself, "oh schit. Wrong word."

To cover up the badassed diction, I tried to mend it by saying " ... colloquially speaking"

But she serviced me well. The service was quick and simple. I didn't expect a card replacement to be so hassle free and fast. Great job, DBS AMK Hub.

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

2009-09-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

I had a beer. A beer with no alcohol. Is it still beer? Absolutely, despite all the signs that it is not. And...

It's cheaper than regular alcoholed beer ($1.80 vs $3+, wtf is up with the taxes?!).

It tastes like beer.

It seems to come from some very beered up Oktoberfesting place.

It was not forbiddened by my mother.

It was excellent.

Maktub, perhaps

2009-09-22T06:10:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the driving school at Yio Chu Kang to take some theory exam. It was the same old shit again, boring, nonsensical and a complete waste of time. I don't need so much theory. I need more road experience. Nevertheless, there's no way to skip this.

While waiting to get my provisionary driving licence (again, what the f***), I talked to a girl. She was 19, as I am, but she wasn't in a uni. She just finished the same theory exam which I had just took and was queueing up to make enquiries.

It revealed that she was from Temasek JC, apparently she went there because she wanted to get out of Yishun. She's been there her whole life - her secondary school was Ahmad Ibrahim SS. That didn't really matter. What mattered to me was why she didn't go to university when everyone else (but men, alas) was heading there. Her results qualified her for university, although it was a bit of a surprise for me that she had results significantly lower than what her school produced, but nonetheless, she could go to the Faculty of Arts and Social Science.

She isn't going there in 2009. She's taking a gap year. She's going there in 2010.

I don't know too many Singaporeans (and parents) who would take a gap year before uni, although I have heard of people wanting to take a gap year, like Nana, but I don't know if that will happen - pragmatism, not being behind the rat race and whatever nay-saying reason just takes over this dream. It was quite a shock to hear of someone taking a gap year, especially given her credentials.

But what was she doing in her time? She wasn't working. Which was quite odd. I would think think a gap year is a perfect time to amass wealth to get something special, or travel somewhere special. No, she wasn't doing that. She was learning. Learning to drive in the mornings, three times a week, and learning Japanese in the afternoon.

Strange occurrence. I never expected to meet people like this, much less at a driving school. Maktub, perhaps.

The impetus to commute by bike

2009-09-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

People brandish me with all sorts of beautiful and ugly phrases when they realise that I'm unorthodox. They have remarked: "boh liao", "wah!", "not tired arh?", "wtf?" and other nice terms. I do not take the bus, nor do I take the trains to work. Rarely do I take the trains and bus on the weekends to go places. That's because I'm boycotting public transport - for the sake of making my crap "salary" more sustainable and for the sake of making my life more efficient and liveable.

I do not like public transport. Buses or trains, they are just inferior. Honestly, if I have to take a train and fear the possiblity of getting fined $30 for drinking water or eating a sweet, I'd prefer to take a hike, literally. Or if I have to squeeze in a bus. Or if the bus ride takes forever. Or if the train just doesn't get close enough to the place I want to go.

On the bike, or walking, you can drink whenever you like, eat whatever you like and practically do whatever is legal. It's freedom. Freedom to go places at your own time - not having to wait five minutes for the next train or fifteen for the next bus. I'd rather slog it out than wait for the bus, or even worse, squeeze in the bus. Everytime I pass a bus full of people, I tend to get this feeling that even the most painful journey - such as those that pass by undulating terrain such as those at Mandai, Yio Chu Kang or Thomson Road.

Did I mention? It's also freedom to reach your own target. Say you want to go to a place out of reach from public transport. If you have taken the bus, you'll probably have to walk a significant distance, or change buses, thereby wasting a lot of time. With a bike, you can park right outside the place you want to go. It's so sweet. It's also free parking.

With a bike, you achieve things at your own time, and with bullseye accuracy on your target. It's the beauty of the most fundamental wheeled mode of private transport. Sure, it's motorised counterparts - electric bicycles, motorcycles, cars, etc., are way better if you talk about speed and time, but without a licence, there's the bicycle to fall back on. A simple tool in avoiding nonsense from monopolies in the transport sector, and to feel liberated.

Come September

2009-09-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

It's September 11. A very apt day to talk about my trials and tribulations in driving school.

I have always wanted to go to driving school. It seemed to be a godsend when my vocational training included it as part of my course. Clearly, I am going to get trained to drive, for 'free', which would help me in the future to get a proper licence. Not forgetting the pleasure of driving everyday. Quite an experience, and purposeful too, I thought.

The first few weeks were quite heavenly. While I had to stay in, and live among people from different social stratas, in the most horrible of accomodations - hot, cramped, not forgetting waking up at unholy hours - causing daily lethargy and a lack of will, it was still heaven. It was akin to going back to school. A bit like taking a science based subject - there's both practicals and theory. I would drive, park, and mug for theory. Highway code, study about car maintenance and whanot.

In the first week, I met Xavier. He failed his driving test and was being held back. He felt despondent. I didn't really understand him, but soon I would. We talked for two days, then he passed the final test, got his licence and was off.

The weeks passed. Heaven slowly turned into hell. While the highway code was a simple affair, further tests got harder, more complex, and to add fuel to the fire, the tests got more arbitary - the best may not pass if the tester is a tyrant, and vice versa. Angels do exist, but evil often triumphs. It's a matter of Fortune - hopefully its wheel is in your favour.

While going through the course, I got a very bad bout of influenza. Perhaps it's H1N1, but I do not know. What I do know is that it knocked me out for eight days, feeling lethargic, feverish, body aches and suffering from daily diarrhoea. Not exciting - considering that I would be missing lessons and might get kicked out of driving school.

Fortunately, that didn't happen. So I rolled on until the last test. It was hell. As I have mentioned, I didn't understand what Xavier felt. Now I understood. You see your friends slowly leaving, and suddenly, a whole bunk's vacated. The urge to leave suddenly sets in. So, everytime you take the test, you have this very strong desire to leave. I failed twice, it always felt horrible. Some reacted even stronger to this failure: some cried. It's astounding.

Nevertheless, I justified that it's only a matter of time where I would leave. And yes, I left on the seventh of September. With Fortune on my side, I got an angel to test me. While he was screaming at times, in the end he passed me, along with a few of my friends. Including the Thai, who can be classified as one of the worst drivers - which proves my point that it's a question of Fortune more so than a question of skill. It's how things work in the other side of this parallel reality.

With an (ersatz) licence, suddenly, I'm staying out. I'm a free man - at night. I love this freedom, but alas, it will end. It's only a matter of time. But as Natalie Imbruglia's song goes, "Come September, everything wrong gonna be alright". Indeed, everything wrong is alright.

Free or Freedom?

2009-09-02T04:14:00.001-07:00

If there is one big thing that I hate in life, it's that there's no free lunch. No, neither does free come free. There's a catch.

Alas, life is cruel. But it has helped me matured much about what I really want in life - do I want freedom or free stuff? Pain is temporary, but pain makes you think.

I used to rule the world. I used to have a significant degree of freedom and have free lodging, free food, free airconditioning, free laundry. Currently, I still do get free lodging Mon - Fri and free food that comes with that lodging "benefit", no aircon, no laundry. Not too bad.

But it comes with a price. In this case, free is not free. You get it free because you don't get your freedom. A bit like a prisoner. Five days being one, it gets you thinking - and I choose freedom.

Choose freedom because freedom is always more advantageous than having all the free stuff in the world but freedom. With freedom, you can make big money, and thus defeating the gains you might get from choosing to have free stuff. Sure, it demands you get off your ass, but that isn't so hard.

Whenever one door closes, one more opens

2009-08-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

Alas! I was planning to go out to East Coast this morning to do some sports but it had to rain. But, I had to do a delivery around 9am today, and the sky was black. It reeked of "RAIN IN 5 MINUTES, BIKER".

I went to Serangoon MRT to make the delivery. When I came out, it rained to the schit. Luckily I have a Goretex jacket to save my upper body, and most importantly, face, from rain, so I could still ride back. Ride handling was rubbish, my brakes were like PHAIL, and my pants and anywhere below were doubly phailured.

Excellent. But what about my phone and wallet? Heh heh, that's where the Crumpler comes in. Crumpler srsly is good stuff in rain. It's waterproof. There was once I walked in rain with my full DSLR set, and the insides were totally dry! But that was with another Crumpler. My current one serves the same waterproof purpose. Excellent!!!

Five Days a Prisoner

2009-08-29T01:20:00.000-07:00

If I write a book, that would be its title, and guess what's it gonna be about?

Goals while doing time

2009-08-10T04:23:00.001-07:00

At times like this in your life, you ought to think of what you want to achieve when the time that you live in is not yours. I for one, have pondered at night on what I want to achieve when the year is 2011. The list is...

1. Improve on my secondary languages
I'm an English speaker, so guess what?

2. Get a driving licence
Alas! The ability to have someone else do the painful work for you is always a beautiful ability. My family have cars - but just no licence to use them.

3. Save $ for Spain trip in 2011
Alas! I've been wanting to go there again since 2005. It's a poisonous thing.

4. Decide on Uni and Uni course
Yes, I haven't applied for uni... mostly because I rejected NUS FASS

Sweet, sweet, sweet...

2009-07-28T18:43:00.000-07:00

I have had a liking for Vespas for quite a while now, seeing that anytime in 2009 or 2010 I will get some sort of a driving licence. Or a biking licence. I went to check on the Vespa website, and I stumbled upon the most beautiful bike ever.

While I know of certain people already intending to get their own car, THE chiongsua military regular that goes by the initials JJ, alas! Life is not fair. As a temporary serf, you don't really get paid much, and in fact, I doubt I can afford a new [motor]bike, which would cost me maybe $10,000 to get all of it together. I can merely dream.

But this bike fits my desire quite well: it's 50cc, which is damn fuel efficient (95mpg?), can't really go fast even when my blood boils (63km/h max speed?), and looks hella classic. Sure, it might be labelled a bit gay, but heh, who cars. I like stuff with pedigree - that's why even though a Chery QQ looks equally gay, I don't really have any intention to get one.

Then again, I wonder how useful such a [motor]bike would be. If it's so freaking weak, then there's not much point - except for times when I am lazy. I'm sure I can [pedal]bike with similar efficiency, with all its health benefits, and low cost, and that sense of accomplishment. Sure, I can't hit 50km/h without much effort and lots of pain, but I ride fast enough to get to places fast enough.

Alas! Another one of my thousand desires! It looks so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

The Open Veins of Me

2009-07-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

Alas! The problem with mass production, mass accomodation, mass feeding, mass everything - in other words, a one size fits all lifestyle for all, is that when it comes to diseases, epidemics and other beautiful worldly MC guarantors is that when your friend is diseased, that is merely the tip of the iceberg.

On Friday, I was seeing my friend having a high fever, unable to do much except lie down, feeling cold when it is not, having a blanket over himself. He went to report sick on Saturday. I came down with a sore throat the same day, but it wasn't much. No, not until Sunday.

Sunday came, and I feel sick. Great.

Land Rover Defender 110

2009-07-18T02:52:00.000-07:00

Oddly, the first car I drive is a Land Rover Defender 110. A good old one with a steering wheel that doesn't stay straight at neutral position,

There are serious weaknesses in this car. First off, it's a diesel. Before, I thought diesel was a great way to save money. But after driving one, I'm all for petrol. I was shocked when I wikipediaed this car and saw that it only possessed around 70 horsepower. WTF: 2.5 litre engine which outputs 70 horsepower? That's like obesity - extremely large, but extremely powerless. In the driver's seat, you can "zam" [step very hard on] the accelerator, and find that you are gaining little speed. Then oddly, the engine starts telling you that it's already redlining. I thought reaching 50km/h in a car is easy... but in this Land Rover, you probably will die shifting gears just to even hit it. Then, the sweet sweet clutch. Alas! It's a bit like having a left foot gym in the car. Extended periods depressing the clutch can make for a really really sore feeling. Having too hard a clutch presents another problem: the difficulty of having post-biting point speed control. No tachometer in the car too!

The silver lining I can see from learning to drive on a vehicle such as the Land Rover Defender 110 is that... it can only get better. Sure, it could get worse, since British engineering is never the worst; we all know who makes the worst products.

But what am I complaining about? This Land Rover really proves that KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) is a great concept. Yes, it might not have all the useful features of modern cars, such as air conditioning, smooth clutch lever, electric windows (it has wind-up windows... when was the last time I saw those?!), etc., but it is a beautifully functional car. Ain't no speed demon, but it's a simple car that impresses me.

The beauty of this car lies in its nostalgic specifications. It looks like the late 80's. Everything is so simple - no beautifully curved lights, just circular lights. No air con, just smell the roses (and often smelly diesel emissions), which forces you to keep the windows down, and hear the sonorous roar of the engine. Weak, but it makes an impressive roar - don't look at the speedometer, however. And a cute high pitched horn that we don't hear these days.

I'm not being sarcastic. There's a charm in this car that modern car's don't have. It seems so simple that it is very elegant at times. No extras, no problems. And I heard it can take a lot of abuse too. Haven't tried that... yet.

Still not used to the demands of a manual car's footwork though. Lots of necessary protocol when starting the car from a stop. Sometimes I forget to put the handbrake down, sometimes I shift my gears incorrectly, sometimes I lose control of my clutch and that's usually a horrible thing - either you 'bounce' forward uncomfortably and stall (nice BEEEEEEEP sound), or you hear funny sounds such as your engine revving up and you realise that you haven't got your foot of the clutch fully. Lots of clutch problems. Bloody hell.

Heh, overall though, I love this car. It's a sweet car with some niggles that probably I will get used to in time. Just not that soon - especially clutch control. Shit.

Chiongsua Hobbies: Inline Skating Day 3

2009-07-12T03:46:00.000-07:00

That is my chiongsua commuter: the Trek 850, now with its rear rack loaded with hot stuff - another eight wheels, four on each side. That's right, it's my inline skates!

It's wonderful to have this bike, as I realised. I certainly cannot ride around my estate, as there are too many chiongsua drivers hoping to get to the next stop sign first, therefore, today I went to do some ride to East Coast Park, the round trip was 29km or so... quite shiok, never rode a bike with such load behind - two skates and a basketload of safety gear. So after reaching there, I chionged a bit on the skates, but felt my skating to be quite inefficient. I can't really go fast, and if I try to go fast, I make a lot of unnecessary movements. NOOB. Third day only lah. Braking was fine, a bit unstable though. I do better with the heel brake than with T braking.

There was this guy, chiongsua skater, on speed skates, I went to chiong behind him on my bike, and to my amazement, he was going damn fast, even faster than my ability to bike at times. He could chiong at a constant 30km/h or so, which is quite hard to do even on my bike. Dammmmn respect man.

A great day! Must go chiong some more...

Inline skating: Day 2

2009-07-10T19:26:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I went to blast it all out on inline skate, on my journey to learn how to ride everything on wheels. Already completed learning a unicycle last year, bicycle since time immemorial, skateboard a few years ago (2002 or so), now eight wheels!

Eight wheels is srsly the most siong shit I ever rode on wheels. Firstly, none of my previous experiences apply - putting your feet on soap-like wheels is a whole new ballgame. Secondly, it stresses all the points which have never been stressed often. Like, everywhere under the knee is stressed, especially around the ankles. Siong!!!

Last of all is the nature of inline skating. It requires you to use a lot of weird motions that you've never used before. Ever moved forward by tilting your foot sideways and kick? And how do you freaking stay in a straight line!??!

Thank God for bleeding safety pads. Without it, I'd quit in a jiffy.

Siong. But we shall overcome. ^_^!!!

PESADO

2009-07-09T22:35:00.001-07:00

Mmm... I shall monitor my weight... IN PUBLIC! Like a man.

Thurs, 9 July : 68.2kg
Fri, 10 July: 68.7kg

Heh. Jokes aside, I think I'm gaining weight. Around the end of 2008 I was around 65kg, but after quitting school, my weight has been spiraling upwards. It boomed about to around 68kg after Hotel Tekong, which obviously defies logic. Right now it's going up again. Will I hit my glorious 70's like back then in '05? Hope not! Gonna make the pull ups damn siong.

Born free, will be free, but not free yet.

2009-06-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

I srsly dunno what to blog about these days. What should I blog about? Military service is out of the question... some people kena censor, don't wanna get censored.

Sing with Me, Sing for the Years

2009-06-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

When I look at my neighbours, my cousins and other young people born in the late 90's or early zero zero's, I get this feeling that life is freaking complicated. As I age, I unfold some of life's ugly features.

First off, there's politics. Politics just makes no sense. Back in secondary school, politics wasn't so big so much so that I would even think about it, but as I go onto the next stage of education, suddenly, the world got so much more political. People create cliques to protect themselves, to attack others, and basically to do things with "us" and leave "them" out.

Alas, innocence is a feeble thing. Like a white piece of cloth in a dirty environment full of evil, spite, hate, disgust, it rubs them up and becomes brown itself. Perhaps that's why people enjoy laughing at other's people's misfortune, and oh-so-often do I see that.

Lost

2009-06-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

Odd. I am back, yet I feel that I am not back. These days, I feel so lacking in energy. Everytime I wake up, I feel tired. Everytime I mount a bicycle, I don't seem to be going as fast as I used to. I don't really have much words these days either. Don't know what to blog about, don't have the energy to blog about anything.

Alas.

Hotel Tekong by Freedom Fighter

2009-06-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

On a warm morning, hot sun in my face
Warm smell of sweat, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw my sergeant
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for months
There he stood in the doorway;
with his shiny boots
And I was thinking to myself,
'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then he gave me my field pack and he showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel Tekong
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Tekong
Any time of year, you can find it here

His mind is military-twisted,
He got the 3 tonners
He got a lot of smelly recruits,
that he calls dogs
How they dance in the parade square, sweet summer sweat.
Some drills to remember, some drills to forget

So I called up the PC,
'Please bring me my Mac'
He said, 'We haven't had that crap
here since nineteen sixty seven'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel Tekong
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
They're livin' it up at the Hotel Tekong
What a nice surprise, bring your alibis

Mirrors on the cabinets,
The pink cordial with no ice
And they said 'We are all just
prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They shot it with their m16s,
But they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find my 11b back
To enter the place I was before
'Relax,' said my PC,
We are programmed to serve
You can book in any time you like,
but you can never leave

- "Freedom Fighter" off sgforums.com

ALAS!!!

As I sit here...

2009-05-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

As I sit here, I wonder about what is in store for me in 2011. Time has stopped right now and there is little purpose in thinking of what is going to happen in 2009 and 2010. The only important thing is thinking about my life post Feburary 2011. I wonder if I am going to live my life as a normal Singaporean would, or am I going to go off the beaten track and find something few have done before. Ultimately, if I were pragmatic, it's probably the former that makes more sense, if I were some 20 year old dreamer then probably the latter would be the choice. I have not made my choice yet, but it seems that I am still convinced that I want to accomplish my dreams.

Oddly, there's this strong urge in me not to study in English. I don't know why, but I recently got interested in going to Quebec to study. It's quite a risky affair, because I have little grasp of French at all, but if I spent one year and am able to attain a decent fluency in French, I don't mind. After all, two years are gone already, and by the time 2011 arrives, so spending a year just learning a language is probably worth it. Of course, if I go to some hispanic country, I would probably need to spend less time to learn Spanish, so it wouldn't be that tough and siong.

Alas! Tough decisions!

The Feeble Mind

2009-05-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

The mind is feeble. It's out of your control often. Sometimes, you have some thoughts that you wish you can censor, but alas! Every time you think of uncertainties, risks, pains, and as if that is not enough, somehow the mind comes in and flanks you with even more thoughts that just exacerbates the pain, risk, uncertainties. There's this part of the mind that practices guerrilla warfare - after the main bombs rain from the real world - whether you just failed a big exam, or you just lost all your money, the guerrillas come out of the bushes and fire away, leaving indelible marks.

The Sleeping Serenity

2009-05-22T06:14:00.000-07:00

Do you not sometimes stand there, leaning against a wall, awaiting the future, contemplating what will happen next or what might happen next?

It is odd. When one's future is in limbo and in the hands of others, then does one think a lot of it. The paradox lies in the fact that one thinks about something that he or she cannot control. Just like how some await their university offers so fearful that it will never come or how a fool like me fears what will happen to him back in the good old island (not this one I'm on right now, that's for sure).

That's where the paradox lies: I have clearly no control over what others have in mind (or lack in their mind). Pretty much, the whole of 2009, I have learnt a few important virtues. One of which is patience. When you know you are going in for a long, extended stay, it all becomes about patience. When the end is guaranteed, all you need is patience and some fortitude to ensure that you don't break down on the way. The same way one should just accept whatever university offer he or she gets. If it doesn't come, just try again. If you get something you don't want, but have little recourse to change that, accept your lot. I have been through some trying times, but all these trying times have also taught me that the painful times never last, and when you hit rock bottom, it can only get better.

Life is an unfair affair. You might blame Fortune, but blaming Fortune is a waste of your breath. Fortune treats everyone equally - she flies around, flatters you, then after you soak in its blessings, she comes back and demands it back. We often forget, however, that unfairness can be in our favour. It is only because life is unfair that we can win and we can lose. It is the reason why people become doctors and why some do not. Often, people forget this point because we, as humans, like to decry every pain loudly, writing eulogies such as The Consolation of Philosophy (Boethius, a long time ago) or The Open Veins of Latin America (Eduardo Galeano, 1967), and not realise that life has been quite unfair to us too. Boethius should have realised that: he had all sorts of glories and honours before he was thrown into jail. Galeano... well he already knows how life can be freaking unfair. Of course, I haven't seen a book saying how life is so damn great because it's unfair.

Sure, life is unfair. The best way to deal with this is, I would propose, to accept it. Accepting your lot is a skill which I haven't been very good at. If you can accept anything that comes your way, you are more than strong, you are invincible. After all, if life hands you lemons, you can't do anything but to eat them to survive.

Taking it one day at a time

2009-05-21T00:34:00.000-07:00

It is only when you are free that you know what not being free is like. Not all things are black and white, though. There's also the feeling of being semi-free. Being semi-free is like me now. Here I am, under house arrest due to cruel chickenpox. Alas!

So I shall write a random post about random freedoms. Let me show you one of my favourite toys: the unicycle! My badly abused (due to the learning stage) one wheeled moving thing!

It's always a pleasure to ride the unicycle. Mostly because it's just so unique, there's nothing you have ever tried before that comes close... maybe a bicycle, but a bicycle rides differently, and quite significantly. The only similarity I can think of is probably the cranking which moves the wheels, other than that, there isn't much similiarities.

Every minute of riding it is a bleeeeeedingly challenge. Achieving stability on a unicycle is probably the biggest challenge, since a unicycle is imbalanced on both axes (front-back, left-right), your body has to react quickly to counteract any change in balance as a result of any motion, which includes your pedaling! Which is the reason why unicycle is freaking exasperating too (ie good anaerobic exercise), because you spend a lot of energy simply on balancing. Add to that, if you ride on the road, you have to be even more cautious, as there are regular road dangers: cars, bumps, rubbish, trees, etc., all which threaten to throw you off balance.

Yet, perhaps it's because it's that challenging that riding the unicycle is always such a pleasure. The pleasure of knowing that you are about to conquer many random challenges which try to impede you. There has never been once where riding the unicycle is boring... unless you ride on a straight path on a standard unicycle... it will seem endless, because a unicycle can be quite slow (8km/h).

It took me about two weeks to learn how to ride it. Everyday I went out to practice. I still remembered how nooby I was! Initially, I couldn't even ride for five metres. Then after a while, my distance increased slowly, but problematically, I couldn't keep my course straight. I was going all over - left, right, bam! Usually once I veered off, it means I lost my balance, and there goes my unicycle. Generally, though, on a unicycle you fall on your two feet, so you won't bleed and get road rash all over. So far, I have only gotten road rashed once due to me going down a hill too fast and when I lacked confidence.

It's really once of my best buys of 2009. Although it is quite rubbish as a tool of commuting, it's a very fun toy to play around with, and not very expensive either. This cost me $150, which was the cheapest of the lot, there were more expensive ones, but baaaaaaah, they don't make much of a difference.

Do you believe?

2009-05-15T05:17:00.001-07:00

I had this dialog with me, myself, and yours truly.

Yours truly: Do you believe in dreams?
Myself: Why, yes.
Me: But how do you keep the flame kindled, given that your dream is so far?
Yours truly: The mist might keep it far, the fog might make navigation difficult....
Myself: The blockage you see in front of you is merely a temporary difficulty. Wait out the tempest and it will all clear up.

Life is so inherently screwed up now. It's complicated, it's difficult, it's sick. In addition to fever, cough, flu and sore throat, despair germinates. I look out the window, and I see pitch black. There is no future.

I look to my eleven o clock, and it's the Insight Guide Sean bought me. "Spain" it says. Three windmills on the cover, five large letters in grey.

Me, myself, and yours truly smile in unison. They await 2011.

Notes from the Ferry

2009-05-01T06:33:00.001-07:00

I usually write these stuff in my journal, but alas, I didn't bring a pen. Nonetheless, I had a phone... so I wrote.

While writing the date i am reminded of the fact that today is a public holiday and that it is only today that i am leaving that accursed island. Yet, i ought be appreciative as fortune has treated me well. I am on a ship now, leaving ___ now. The great feeling is back. Clearly, we must speak of the fact that up until hours ago i was destined to be on that accursed island for another day, but due to the fact that i suddenly managed to do seven pull ups, i managed to get out of RT. Along with Keith, today around 5.45pm. My sudden improvement in performance can probably be attributed to my two days of being on status, skipping all physical training. As my bunk's PTI suggested i was overtrained and thus my sluggish performance despite me training so much for pull ups.

Oddly, the feeling was not totally great. I felt, to some extent, letting my friends down, as i was meant to accompany them. Somehow being on this ship made me think of them. Of course, the feeling of being able to sleep one night at home is just exhilirating. I have now reached where i belong. The ship is docking and i am ready to embrace real life.

Peace on Earth

2009-04-25T22:18:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA. DAMN #10 was damn fun. It's also the first two day DAMN. Check it out...

Fish and Co glasshouse making the classic birthday stuff...
SGX! We had New York Fish and Chips and Sangria... which tasted like Barcardi Breezer.
Smile to Freedom

It's a privilege to mug.Toh goes home

We hit a bar. And that's where all the shit occurred.

Lol. We hit the bar around 10.30++ and stoned there until like 12.30, because both of us were getting stoned increasingly the more we drink. It is odd that this bottle is so potent, given that it has the same amount of alcohol. By the half-glass, we became light headed, so much so that at imes we just lied down on the table to sleep. Rare shit. I felt like bleeding warm. We just completely got so stoned that we could just not do things coherently. Walking was a problem. We took a taxi home, luckily both of our houses are near each other. It was bloody necessary to cab.

Hahahaha. Memorable birthday.

You Can't Make It On Your Own

2009-04-09T08:10:00.001-07:00

Ever since April 1st, I have been trying to make the most of my last few days. There were ten of them in total. Today's the ninth. Tomorrow's the last. Life is short, art is long. Fortune wants what she has bestowed upon me back, I'll give her it back. Seneca got it right: I'll hope for the best, and prepare myself for the worst.

Unfortunately I did not totally record down the history of my last nine days. The fact is that I am not surprised that I have spent time so much better than I have ever had in my life. Seneca (again...) says it right about the shortness of life. When confronted with death, he says, we realise that we have very little time, but we have ample time to do whatever we want, just that we often waste it off doing nonsense. Alas, that certainly isn't me. I see enjoyment in whatever I do, and purpose. Yet, in the last ten days, I was on a hedonistic roll, spending time very, very well indeed. I have been out with friends I haven't met before, haven't met in a long time, and with classic friends. Twice I have gone out to pick my cousin up with my bike from school, with her sitting behind on the rack. It was really exciting, but alas, such experencies are not easily described in mere words. I have met with friends, visiting fancy restaurants, eating good food, having good drinks, watched good movies, went running with myself and an old friend, met a friend I have never gone out with, and tomorrow it will be even better, because I'm meeting classic friends.

Today was particularly interesting. I went out with a friend whom I don't really know, up until we communicated on MSN, then we went out for dinner, and I realised a whole lot I didn't know. This particular friend was impressive - the intelligence was impressive, the experiences were interesting, the talk we had was simply irresistible. Somehow, this has led me to believe that similar people in thought get along with similar people, as opposed to "opposites attract", and that sometimes some people just don't click, and some do. Clicking is a critical thing when it comes to friendship. Just like a jigsaw puzzle, if it doesn't click, it doesn't go well together.

Nothing lasts forever. These ten days will probably go down in my personal history as a time where I realised how friendship and personal experiences are important. Time is short, life is shorter, however, we have ample time to do what we have to do, as long as we do not waste it. (More Senecaist wisdom)

June 14

2009-04-07T21:12:00.001-07:00

To enter a Spanish University is freaking and bleedingly leceh, as compared to trying to enter a Singaporean uni. That said, boh pian. Want to do something different, must go through the pains. Ow. So far, I contacted the embassy, and there are a few things left to be done, unfortunately, my military service is going to distrupt my ability to go to the embassy, until perhaps June 14. So here's a list to myself of what needs to be done:

Translate the documents...
Then go there and get it signed
Send it to Spain, UNED and Alberto.

Alas! June 14!

The Human Powered Work Commute and the Shitty Runner

2009-04-06T02:47:00.001-07:00

Alright! Since I started working, I have been going to work mostly by biking. Starting Feburary 4, I went to bike to work from my house to Outram Park. Then in March I got transferred to Lavender, so I biked around 8km a day, as opposed to the regular 12km. Generally, it kept my mornings exciting and full of flavour, be it due to road conditions or rider conditions. I usually reached the office dripping in sweat. The aircon feels excellent when your body is steamy. So far, I have hit 571km on my bike, which is a lot! I think I have never rode so much in my life, but I guess 571km isn't that much given that it is spreaded out over near 60 days. It's a cumulative effort.

Alas, today I went running just for kicks, and do I suck! I tried doing 2.4km worth of running, only to end up getting whacked after 800 metres. I stopped, but the time was good: 3min 45s for 800m. Then I re-ran again, another 400 metres, hoping to pace 2 min to 400m, but I got 1min 45s, also feeling bloody whacked.

The good old glorious golden days are seriously gone. Yet, I don't feel that this is a doing of Fortune. Fortune has not taken away my legs nor caused me any significant impairment. It's me myself. I haven't ran for like more than half a year, and that's probably the cause. Still, to note that cycling did not really help my running is a bit disappointing. I only found that out a bit later in the course of my human powered work commuting days though, but I don't regret it.

It is perhaps my mindset from the good old glorious golden days that tells me that I am able to run at such speeds. I used to do 12min 10s for 2.4km, but now, woah shitty. I could, but only with significant breaks in between. Alas, what is not used... gets rusty!

The End Of History

2009-04-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

There are few things I feel, and few things I am pained by. The mere fact that I am leavin', never coming back again, is a distinction between transcending the past and arriving in the future. History will end, but when history ends, what comes next? Freedom?

Fukuyama argues so, and so would I. Fortune is not something I like a lot, as she is rather mischievous. Yet, it feels so good to bask in her flattery, and once you fall under her spell, you forget that what she has bestowed upon you, is not your's. What she can give, she can take. When Fortune blesses you, be wary that your life is not in equilibrium. For, for example, I have been bestowed by a certain form of freedom in my life - financially, socially, etc.. I confront the fact that Fortune now wants it back, and what is not mine, alas, would not be virtuous to keep.

The End of History. With its end, comes great happiness. To it's end, I shall wait.

O Not So Cruel World!

2009-03-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

One day before my work contract expires, I talked to a good old friend, Alberto Ramos, about Spanish university admissions. He was really kind, he helped me asked a few questions, and told me the process of getting into a Spanish U, bla bla bla, and then he mentioned that he will get back to me about the costs of a university education in Spain with this,

Acabo de hablar con una universidad y tus costes de matrícula serían como los de cualquier otro estudiante, es decir, como los míos cuando yo estudié hace 12 años!!

"Esto quiere decir que te puede costar unos 800-1000€ por año, así que 4 años serían 8.000 SGD en total, muy barato!!! Es increíble que no cobren nada extra... Eso sí, tienes que homologar todo, resolver el tema de si necesitas pasar el examen de acceso, etc...

Y también lo de la prueba de Español, si te hiciera falta.

...

Saludos campeón!

Alberto.”

"I just spoke with a university and your costs of enrollment will be like any other student, which means, like mine when I studied 12 years ago!!!

This means that it can cost you 800 - 100 Euros per year, 4 years therefore, would be 8,000 SGD in total, very cheap!!! It's unbelievable that it costs nothing extra...

Therefore, yes, you have to standardize everything (my A Levels has to be certified), resolve the topic of whether you need to pass the entrance exam, etc….

And too, the Spanish test, if you will need to do it.

…

Cheers champ!

Alberto."

A big problem that I and my family have is the cost of overseas studies. Therefore, if this piece of (honestly, too good to be true) information is true, then there is little argument against it. Because come 2011, me voy para España ya!!!

Sometimes you just need mere words to make you happy.

Bike Commuting: Four Months, Some Reflections

2009-03-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

This is my happy bike which I ride to work. It's a Dahon Speed D7, the absolute rock bottom of the Dahon range. It might be rock bottom, but it's street price is like $650. Joke. The ride, however, is not as jokey as the way it looks. It can go fast (58km/h once) and it is bloody nimble when slow. I average 25km/h, though often I travel at 30km/h plus...

That said, I commute to work. I think the first argument for commuting to work on a bike, given that I don't have a driver's licence nor a car, is the convenience. I hate walking. I hate waiting. Without a bike, I will have to walk to the bus station to wait for the bus, and then etc. I hate waiting especially for buses, they are irregular, usually uncomfortable both as a means of commuting and certain buses do not have enough light for comfortable reading. I'd rather take the train, but alas, the train is still second to the conveinence of having private transport.

Yes, 'private transport'. It is arguable that even though this is shitty slow compared to cars, but not buses, as will be explained later on, I feel very comfortable pedaling everywhere on my bike. It gives me the freedom to roam around Singapore with more spontaneity, and thus freedom. Going to work late due to nonsensical problems such as 'traffic jams' or 'bus arrived late' is no longer a reasonable excuse (at least, to myself), as with a bike, I can travel without needing to have my travel contingent on such events which I cannot control. There are, however, certain very perilous events that can stop a bike commuter - rain and bicycle problems. Rain sucks, but with a foldable bike such as this, you can bloody just fold the bike and take the bus to work. It pays to have a foldable bike that rides like great.

Secondly, it also serves as a form of exercise. I used to travel 24km thereabouts everyday from my house in Serangoon to Outram Park, and back when I worked at CNB, but now since I work at ICA, I do around 17km a day, depending on route. Increasingly, I feel that I can ride faster and faster, and that's a good sign. For lazy people like me, too, it serves as a purposeful way of exercising - at least, you are not exercising for the sake of exercising. I cannot contemplate myself running in circles around a track - it is bloody unpurposeful, and serves no end but as a form of exercise, without much productivity, unless weight loss is a desired goal, which, clearly requires good dieting too, as I have been fattening up despite cycling daily!

But, alas, Singaporean drivers can be a dangerous lot. Gotta be careful, keep yourself vigilant, and try to follow all laws. Although it is bloody tempting to ignore red lights as a lot of old uncles, foreign labourers do, it can be bloody dangerous too, both figuratively and literally. Never seen an accident such as this, and I certainly hope not to.

Drivers at time can be bloody impatient too, not respecting bicycles as traffic, but rather blocking traffic. Yes, it is arguable that following a bicycle at 20km/h on a vehicle is an intolerable affair, but, often such situations only occur when the other lanes are all jammed up, and thus moving at 20km/h is already a priviledge, if not illegal. The other day, I was riding on the most left side of the road, which happened to be a bus lane too, at 9am. There was this car, trying to pass me, but the road was too narrow, thus the lady gave me the honk. How exciting, at these times I totally am tempted to assert my right to follow the law and to keep as left as practicable. In this case, "practicable" seem to me that I should just block her path, given that it's safer if she waits and gets pissed off, rather than endanger me by squeezing onto a road that is clearly too narrow for a SUV and another vehicle.

The odd paradox with drivers is that, by cutting a bicyclist, they save only perhaps five seconds on their commute, sometimes at great risk to the cyclist, and would later have to brake at a red light. That would be like getting back to square one. Some drivers don't think that far. There's only the present on the road to them, apparently, just like how some drivers can accelerate their cars when they see a red light, only to brake later. What a joke. Rationality is not a consideration to some, they drive irrationaly, literally.

So what is the crux of my rambling? Ride, but be safe. Singaporeans are an impatient lot. They don't like to wait, they would like to save five seconds at a high cost. Bike commuting has been really great for me. It allowed me the freedom of not depending on public transport, which still is weak compared to even the weakest form of private transport. The danger of riding on the road, is often a fear that is constructed in the brain, for four months, I have never met with any inter-vehicular accident, but that is only because I take precautions: don't do stupid things, don't get distracted by whatever is happening on anywhere else but what's ahead, and don't be a fool - might is right on the road, the law might protect you, but the law cannot unparalyze anyone. It's actually quite safe if you ride defensively.

Woo! My first rant-ramble post!

Note to Self

2009-03-27T04:14:00.001-07:00

human powered work commute: 537.21 km!

Friendship Part II: Enemies are Optional but Friends are Necessary

2009-03-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

After that pessimistic previous post, I return with the flipside of friendship. Yes, mutability is the constant which never mutates, but often, we do not appreciate change for the better as much as we tend to notice a change for the worse with more immediacy. Yet, this statement implies the truth that everything bad has a good side, as Boethius or Buddhism would both tell you.

Friends are really important. Whether we look at it pragmatically, hedonistically, or even without a perspective, it seems that we are 'political animals'.

I always appreciate what my friends had done for me. In fact, I usually try to repay their favour, but often, it's very hard to return the favour especially when you have valued it so much that they have been there for you.

Let's see some examples:

Exclusive to Uzzismo Part III : previously unreleased photos of 2008!

HEH HEH. This was what was called Operation Infiltrate and Mug, I forgot the abbreviation of this event though. Guess where this was? It was in a very beautiful school, a school which I recently have been passing by because of my work, and cycling home demands a less stressful path than that of the morning's ride, everytime I pass by the school, I regret. Yet, if not for Sean, I won't even have a chance to experience (albeit only a fraction) of SAJC. Hahahaha. That was back then in 2008, when you could almost cry while mugging. Gladly, I can say that these mugging sessions has worked wonderfully: both of us got a good score at our A Levels... in fact, quite equal scores.

HAHAHAHA. This one best. That isn't my bike, but I borrowed it from a friendly bike shop owner. He's a really impressive guy. I rarely see bike shop owners being so fluent in English, having so many interests and being such a kind host at times. HAHAHAH. I just had to give him $20 as a little sum of gratitude because I kinda needed to pay him back. He's not those kind of friends which I would go out with as much as he is a lobang, but a very good lobang while at it. I remembered that before my A Levels, I went there to forget my sorrowful nightmare scenarios playing in my head. Indeed, he's a good friend. He's a friend, a lobang, and a master.

Alas, things do change. Some friendships made back in '06, '07 and '08 are changing. I haven't really made any friends in '09, but I don't really think they would escape the world's unchanging laws. Yet, nothing lasts forever, the only thing we can hold on to are the memories. Bad or good, they can both be held onto, for the latter case, I'd want to hold them on forever. Of course, that presents a problem, but I'm too lazy to go write about it now. ^_^

O deluded mortals!

2009-03-11T07:47:00.001-07:00

Heh, this poetry I stumbled upon a while ago got me thinking:

Ovid (43BC - 18AD):

Donec eris felix, multes numerabis amicos
Tempora si fuerint nubila, solus eris

[When prosperous Fortune shines with brightening rays,
Your friends in crowds around you (sic) flattering grow (sic?)
But when th' inconstant [i.e. Fortune) dims with clouds your days,
Alone they leave you to lament your woe.]

Translated by Philip Ridpath (London, 1785)

"O deluded mortals!" Lady Philosophy often exclaims in her beautiful passages in The Consolation of Philosophy. Sometimes, reading Ovid's four sentence poem, to which I wonder why the English translation is so long, tends to make me feel as if I am a fool to work so hard at certain friendships, them being so fleeting. Am I a deluded mortal?

I question that. These days, I've been reading Buddhist literature, and again, when friendship is placed in the Buddhist worldview, again, it tends to reinforce the pessimistic idea that I am a deluded fool, trying to cling onto the unclingable, onto the mutable and onto the impermanent. Is anicca prevalent in friendships? I am tempted to reject it, yet I have seen certain friends come, only to go. Things can change, things will change and the only thing that will change is change.

O cruel world!

Latter Days

2009-03-06T18:18:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was probably the most memorable day for me. My Facebook summarised it well: good ride, good results, good dinner, good drinks, good music and good night.

Indeed, I was struck with some weird desire to ride to school. But not a bicycle, but on my unicycle. It was an excruciatingly slow ride compared to a bicycle, but it was an achievement indeed. In fact, up until yesterday I have never ridden a unicycle for 14km solo, and worse still: through the many hills of Yio Chu Kang. But it was an excellent achievement, in fact, I did it mostly because I wanted to try something new, and maybe keep my mind of the what seemed like the "impending doom" - a pessimism that just unreasonably spreads among all results recipients.

My results were quite pleasant. I am really happy. I hit my target, and I feel that that is what is most important. It doesn't matter that I did not get the fame and honours of going on stage to shake the Principal's hand, nor did I, more pragmatically, get multiple distinctions. I hit my target and I am really glad. Problematically, I have some friends who have results better than mine, and yet they are not happy. Towards them, I feel that they are fools. Massively deluded fools. What worse way to live life than not appreciating what they have, to want more when wanting more begets wanting even more, jailing oneself into an endless cycle of desire. Fools.

Dinner was the classic, fail-safe choice, I and Sean went to Shokudo to eat some happy omelette and I got some rice with eel.

Later on, we hit Harry's at the Esplanade, but not without stopping at Mos at PS to buy a milkshake. Woooo! At Harry's we ordered a $55 bottle of red wine. It was overpriced, but I rationalised that we are paying for the service, location and some live music which we enjoyed for a little while. That drinking session was truly stonerficially fun.

What an excellent day. Ever since the end of O Levels, I have felt extremely sadden by my results. Yet, increasingly, through JC, I have become less of a result-oriented person, despite my results going increasingly upwards. It did, however, quite worry me that I might not do well for my A Levels in some random case of problems. A pleasant surprise, however, awaited me when I went to school. What a beautiful day.

2009-03-06T18:00:00.001-08:00

Bla bla

Give Faith a Fighting Chance

2009-03-05T08:33:00.001-08:00

Alright, you might be wondering why I obliterated all my posts here. That's because I see no point in continuing my old blog. It was increasingly pointless, a blog of jaded writing, increasingly it becomes a notepad more so than a blog, disinteresting people who read. Perhaps my enthusiasm for blogging has gone, but when I look at my Spanish blog (check my facebook for address), I don't think so!

My Spanish blog tends to show deeper thought in my writing. There are somethings I like to express, but due to the fact that certain readers of mine can't really absorb such things, it's more important that I put pictures up and easy-to-digest-writing. I like to cater to the majority, but at times, I feel that I am killing my own interest in writing.

Alas, if the old doesn't go, the new doesn't come in either. Life is in a constant state of change, and that has to be accepted. I have written on this subject multiple times, yet, I still never get the grasp of change. Certainly, reading philosophy has helped me appreciate the world better, providing me a source of equanimity, but philosophy is not something to be taken as words only, because alas, if these words do not influence your thought and action, it will stay impotently as words.

In my case, it hasn't stayed as such. These days, I feel more liberated from worldly concerns. I feel that I have more control over myself, less anger, less self-centered thought, more generosity, and a greater respect for everyone. I am happier. This really proves that faith is an important concept that we should uphold. I have sought ways to change myself, because I was previously quite flawed in certain ways, such as lacking self-confidence, but I managed to gain it back. I gave faith a fighting chance, and it changed me.